If I'm assuming correctly then, Harini and I broke up today. I've felt it coming, I knew it would, and yet I'm even more so broken hearted. I thought if she ever broke up with me that I'd hate her, but I can't. I can't hate the person that I'm madly in love with, even though I'm hurt. I've never loved anyone romantically as much as I love her, and I don't believe I'll ever love anyone that strongly again. When you fall in love you take a risk, you throw your heart out on the line and for nearly a year I felt like the most special and loved person in the world. She made me feel so wonderful, until about a month ago. We started going days without talking, and having short conversations when we would talk. I've been in pain since that day out of nowhere when she decided to herself that she couldn't take it anymore and showed it through her actions to me. She's not a bad girlfriend, don't get me wrong. She's wonderful, the second most wonderful person I know. I'll always be in love with her because as corny as it sounds, when you love someone like I love her and for the amount of time that I've loved her, it's hard to move on because a big chunk of your heart belongs to them. Not physically speaking because that'd be kind of gross, but emotionally I'm stuck on her.
Will I ever love again? More than likely, yes. But I'll never love anyone (again, romantically) as much. I want to stay her friend, and still save up to go on that trip with her- as a friend. And then maybe something could evolve again from that. At least, that's what I hope. I wanted to spend forever with her, I still want that no matter how much this hurts, I still want to be with her. I can't see myself being with anyone else. I don't want to see myself with anyone else.
However, at the same time, I don't know how much I want to really be with someone who could hurt me so badly for such a bullshit reason. I think that's primarily why I always stay on Britt's ass about some of the decisions she's been making lately. She told him, damn near begged for him to, break up with her. And he didn't, this time, and she's glad. But next time she decides to go all emo, what then? Maybe he'll make a different decision, and I wonder how happy she'd be then? When suddenly that future that she wanted so badly, isn't an option anymore.
I guess, what it comes down to, is that I'm so sick and tired of all the immature behavior going on around me. Sara whining about not having a boyfriend, Britt at this weird point of confusion about her future and life. I mean, she really had me worried over the weekend as to whether or not she was going to see Tuesday. And that was really scary. Everyone, even me, I think it's just time that we grew up a little. The same things that worked in grade school, don't work anymore. Grow up time.
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